One of the most tiring things I think about living here (or overseas) is the language. Having to think about every single word I say. It takes a lot of time and energy and effort. Other days it takes even more.
You can’t just say whatever pops into your head because chances are, for me anyway, most of the words I want to say aren’t part of my Albanian vocabulary that I no longer have to think about. I have to stop and think of the word(s). And if I can’t think of the word, I have to think of how to say it in a different way avoiding the word I don’t know or can’t remember.
Oh and let’s not forget about the grammar. I can think long and hard about the grammar and still not even come close to being right. There are too many things to think about: part of speech, plural/singular, masculine/feminine, possessive or not. The list goes on and on it seems!
So yes. Language does get tiring. All this thinking can wear me out. Especially when all I want to do is just sit and chat with a friend. Just hang out. But my mind cannot just hang out. It must do all this processing. All this thinking.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. And I’ll always be stuck there. Like I’ll never get to that next level.
But then I have experiences like I had today. Where I went to the market and talked to someone new. Though I didn’t understand every word they were saying, I knew the gist of it. And before I knew it, I had answered their questions without thinking about it.
That’s when I am encouraged.
That’s when I am reminded of what it is I’m working towards. Because with language it’s really hard to have tangible goals.
That’s when I know I’m on the right path to being able to talk to people without having to think about every single thing I say.