Since being a missionary, I like to think I’ve honed my skills in looking at a fellow missionary and knowing in an instant where they are serving based on 3 observations. Follow this simple quiz and you too can quickly determine where a missionary is serving.
Ask about their water. If they have:
a) unlimited water: These missionaries can drink any kind of water they want. From the tap, from a creek, from a bottle. Really, the options are limitless
b) filtered water: These missionaries can drink filtered water. As much as they want. Whenever they want. From a filter.
c) limited water: These missionaries don’t drink the water because the locals don’t even drink it. The one time a month water is available. During a good month.
d) wine water: You would have to be Jesus since He is, after all, the only one who can turn water into wine and beat the whole system.
Look at their sandals. If…
a) they wear Keens: They are in the zone. Their comfort zone. Where you don’t really have to walk more than the length of a parking lot and they probably own at least one car.
b) they wear Teva flip flops: They have to do lots of walking. But it’s on paved roads. So Tivas are the go to sandal for style and comfort while missionarying.
c) they wear Chacos: They are always off-roading. That is to say there are no roads where these missionaries live. So they really have no choice. Only dirt, rocks, and lots of twisted swollen ankles. Unless you have Chacos that is.
d) They wear Jesus sandals: As in you are, in fact, Jesus. Because only Jesus can wear those.
Look at their tanlines. If you see tanlines:
a) around the neck for girls and none on guys: It’s most likely from being out in the sun. A lot. Probably on beaches. Where they minister to people dying a slow skin cancerous death from lack of sunscreen and excess tanning oils.
b) on the ankles: It’s probably from tennis shoes because they walk so much. Though they do have the option to wear Tevas. Since there are paved roads.
c) weird lines on the feet: It’s almost definitely from having to walk miles and miles to get anywhere. Through mud, rocks, and every other dangerous uneven natural surface known to man. In Chacos. But while you are looking down at their feet, you notice they don’t have swollen ankles. Because they are wearing Chacos.
d) are non-existant: You don’t see any anywhere. Because you are Jesus. You do not have any skin problems because you are perfect, holy, and pleasing in the sight of the Lord.
Determine which letter described your missionary of choice most of the time from the quiz. Then read below to figure out where they serve. If they answered mostly:
A) This missionary serves in a developed nation. They deal with people who think they have it all but are missing what they need the most: God.
B) This missionary serves in a less industrialized nation. They probably have a McDonald’s or two. Though they don’t have all the foods you’re used to. The locals may be more open to learning about the missionary’s home culture than God.
C) This missionary is hard core. They have no problem going for a couple weeks without bathing or shedding 5 pounds a day via sweat. They serve people who have probably never heard about indoor plumbing or God.
D) This missionary is Jesus. The one who defined our roles as missionaries no matter where we are: Love everyone. Serve everyone. Because we are all missionaries.